<SHOES For My Little Brother>
Whenever I go to my hometown where my parents, younger sister and brother live, I find a pair of yellow running shoes that I bought for my little brother about one year ago. I gave the shoes for my little brother on his 7th birthday. When I chose the birthday gift, I considered that he was in his age 7 who likes to run and frolic at playground. "Running shoes!" A good idea struck me. First, I had to check its stability and safety. Because he was young and likely to fall and scrap on his knee. Also, my main concerns are usually slippage and ankle support while running for hours. So I chose a softer and cushioned one reduces stress on feet and knees. Second, I considered its design. I loved the velcroed shoes rather than strap or zipper one. The velcroed shoes are easy to help my little brother to put on and take off his shoes. Third, I chose the color that suit him great. The running shoes come in many colors for me to choose. Among them, the bright yellow one captured my heart. My little brother was a cheerful and energetic boy. I felt that the yellow had a lot in commons with my brother's cheerful energy. Finally I made a good choice and he was pleased at my present.
Hi, Songeun. Your draft is logically organized, so I easily understood your three criteria to choose the right shoes for your younger brother. Especially, I like this sentence, “I felt that the yellow had a lot in commons with my brother's cheerful energy.” Imagining a energetic boy who bustles in and out, I had a smile. But, in this sentence, “So I chose a softer and cushioned one reduces stress on feet and knees.”, you missed that or which between one and reduces. And, if you add one more sentence that shows your conclusion or advice, this paragraph will be more improved. Bye.
ReplyDeleteHello. I'm Namhye. It was nice to read your writing.
ReplyDeleteIt was impressive that you use quotation " Running shoes" properly. You described reasons why you buy shoes for your brother, and process of buying the shoes in detail. Also I like that you use specific words such as velcroed to make reader more understand your story. But I think it would be a better writing, if you add more informations in conclusion. Like how your brother feels about the gift, and how does he use it . Thank you.