Special present for my mother
Last year on my mother's birthday, I prepared a special gift for her. It was the latest album of Kim bum soo which contains his best songs in two CDs. I decided to buy it by these following steps. First, when mom's birthday is came up I suddenly felt sorry for my mom. Because until now, I hadn't done any decent thing on her birthday. I just had written letters or bought a cake. So this time, I made up my mind to do something special. Next, I decided what to buy for her and how I will prepare for that money. After careful consideration, I concluded to buy Kim bum soo's latest album. Because he is mom's favorite singer and mom is a really big fan of him. And I determined to do a one day part-time job to make the money for that album. Of course I had enough money to buy that gift, but I thought that it would be more meaningful to make that money by myself. Then I found part-time job that fits my time and did it. What I did was distributing flyers which advertise Chinese academy to students in front of the school. It was quite boring and tired, but I was happy and felt a great satisfaction. Finally, I bought that album by the money I earned and gave it to my mom on her birthday. She was absolutely moved and pleased about it. Not only it was a unforgettable birthday for my mom, but also to me.
Hi.I'm Oh You Jeong.
ReplyDeleteYour gift seems to be very special to you and your mom. I was suprised when I read the part that you worked part-time job to buy the gift. It was impressive and I could feel that you really wanted to something special for your mom.I guess you did an excellent job. Except for a few grammatical points, it was great.
Hello! This is YoungHoon Kim. It was interesting to read your story. It contained your special story and the process of buying a gift at the same time. It was impressive that you had part-time job which is not easy. I think the present had special meaning that you used your money you earned. But I saw few minor mistakes in your writing. I think you repeated same thing in this sentence "Because he is mom's favorite singer and mom is a really big fan of him.". Overall, it was a good piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteSpecial Gift (Second Draft)
ReplyDeleteLast year on my mother's birthday, I prepared a special gift for her. It was the latest album of Kim bum soo which contains his best songs in two CDs. To further add, Kim bum soo is one of the most famous singer in Korea. I decided to buy it by these following steps. To start with, when mom's birthday was coming up I suddenly felt sorry for her. Because until now, I hadn't done any decent thing on her birthday. I just had written letters or bought a cake. So this time, I made up my mind to do something special. Next, I decided what to buy for her and how I will prepare for that money. After careful consideration, I concluded to buy Kim bum soo's latest album. Because she became a very big fan of him after watching TV program named 'I am a singer'. And I determined to do a one day part-time job to make the money for that album. Of course I had enough money to buy that gift, but I thought that it would be more meaningful to make that money by myself. Then I found part-time job that fits my time and did it. What I did was distributing Chinese academy advertisement flyers to students in front of the school. It was quite boring and tired, but my heart was overflowed with satisfaction and joy. Because I could imaginate mom's touching face. Finally, I bought that album by the money I earned and gave it to my mom on her birthday. She was absolutely moved and pleased about it. Not only it was a unforgettable birthday for my mom, but also to me.