Dizzy moment in America
Seven years ago, my whole family went a package trip to America. We firstly looked around Hawaii for two days, then we went to California and San francisco. California was really vast and beautiful. However, surrounded by such a wonderful scenery, our whole family faced embarrassing moment. My father had all of the traveling expenses in his trouser pocket, but suddenly it's all gone! Moreover at that time we were in the moving bus. We were so surprised and shocked that we didn't know what to do for a while. But soon we recovered our consciousness and rummaged all around the bus. My father, mother, sister, me and even though my little brother who was only 4years old, searched every nook and cranny. But finally, we couldn't find it. We were very depressed and had no idea how we should do. After the bus stopped we got off a bus and ate a big hamburger for lunch. When all of our family were just eating that without any words, a tour guide came to us and said a bus driver found some of our money while cleaning the bus! It was not the all money that we had, but my family gave a sigh of relief. At that night, we went to a clothing shop because at there, blue jeans were much cheaper than Korea and we were so happy and excited to find some of our money back. When browsing around the store, I found something unbelievable. My father's pants were folded in the end, and I could see the bunch of paper money was stuck out! It was really strange and odd. But anyway our family were happy that we found all of our money. Until now I don't know why the money was there. It is the most unforgettable, and embarrassing moment in my life.
Hello. My name is Song eun :D!
ReplyDeleteYour writing was so real and made me feel sympathy. You seem to have a great skill to write some practical examples. However, it'll be a better writing if you delete senteces that is not related to the topic. Of course I can understand what you wanted to say. Because your family was happy to return some money back and also jeans were cheap, your whole family went shopping. But, in order to focus on your topic better, it will be more logical to delete the words about cheap jeans. Excepting this part, your writing is perfect! Thank you!!
Dizzy moment in America (Final Draft)
ReplyDeleteSeven years ago, my whole family went a package trip to America. We firstly looked around Hawaii for two days, then we went to California and San francisco. California was really vast and beautiful. However, surrounded by such a wonderful scenery, our whole family faced embarrassing moment. My father had all of the traveling expenses in his trouser pocket, but suddenly it's all gone! Moreover at that time we were in the moving bus. We were so surprised and shocked that we didn't know what to do for a while. But soon we recovered our consciousness and rummaged all around the bus. My father, mother, sister, me and even though my little brother who was only 4years old, searched every nook and cranny. But at last, we couldn't find it. We were very depressed and had no idea how we should do. After the bus stopped we got off a bus and ate a big hamburger for lunch. When all of our family were just eating that without any words, a tour guide came to us and said a bus driver found some of our money while cleaning the bus! It was not the all money that we had, but my family gave a sigh of relief. At that night, we were so happy and excited to find some of our money back, we decided to go shopping. We went to a clothing shop near our accommodation. When browsing around the store, I found something unbelievable. My father's pants were folded in the end, and I could see the bunch of paper money was stuck out! The rest of our money was in there. It was really strange and odd, but anyway our family were happy that we found all of our money back. Until now it is a big mystery of our family. And that trip still remains as the most unforgettable and embarrassing memory in my life.