MY SPECIAL POSSESION
201103449 진하경 Chin HaKyung
I have an antique telephone which was once my grandmother's. My grandmother bought this telephone when my father went to middle school, so that's about the 70's. It's is pale blue now, but dad says it was real vivid blue when she just got it. In order to make a call, you have to stick your finger in to a hole and turn it until it reaches the hook. It has 10 holes for each numbers. When I was five, I lived with my grandparents. Every day, I would go to their room and spin the dial. My grandmother didn't like that because she worried if I might break it. I begged her to give me the telephone since I loved antique furniture and instruments. Finally, the day my parents and I moved to Lima, she gave it to me as a good-bye present. Granma's gone now. But her precious and pretty telephone still lies on my shelf. It doesn't work now, but I don't care. This telephone is something I think of my grandma's telephone as the most precious thing I own and I will pass it on generation to generation.
This article has clear topic sentence that is not too specific or not too general. I can identify the telephone which you have described. In childhood you loved that phone and often played with it. When your family moved to Lima, your grandmother gave it to you for the farewell present. This situation was vividly described so that I can easily imagine that time. Your work has enough descriptive details as well as many specific words. You use many adequate adjectives and I like it. Although concluding sentence didn’t restate topic sentence, I prefer your decision. As a reader, I wanted to know your emotion to that telephone and grandmother. In this occasion, concluding sentence need to say your feeling. I enjoyed your work. It was a good paragraph from warm heart.
ReplyDeleteMy name is nayeon Kwon. Your 'treasure' seems very meaningful. I liked your essay because it has a story. I can also picture what the telephone would look like easily. However, I think it could have been better if you wrote more about you and your grandmother. In that way, the readers would understand what kind of memory the telephone brings to you. Besides that, I liked your writing :)
ReplyDeleteMY SPECIAL POSSESION
ReplyDelete201103449 진하경 Chin HaKyung
I have an antique telephone which was once my grandmother's. My grandmother bought this telephone when my father went to middle school, so that's about the 70's. It's is pale blue now, but dad says it was real vivid blue when she just got it. In order to make a call, you have to stick your finger in to a hole and turn it until it reaches the hook. It has 10 holes for each numbers. When I was five, I lived with my grandparents. Every day, I would go to their room and spin the dial. My grandmother didn't like that because she worried if I might break it. I begged her to give me the telephone since I loved antique furniture and instruments. This kind of telephone was not just unique, but it was my favorite color and I loved it. Finally, the day my parents and I moved to Lima, she gave it to me as a good-bye present. I was surprised because she and me didn't go along well. I thought she didn't like me much, so I was really touched. Granma's gone now. But her precious and pretty telephone still lies on my shelf. It doesn't work now, but I don't care. This telephone is somethingas the most precious thing I own and I will pass it on generation to generation.