My important possession
There is a small room in my house, and it is only for my old piano. Nobody in my family like to play the piano, so actually I'm the only person who use that space. I love that room not only because it's private place for me but also the piano has special meaning to me. When I was a little girl, I started to learn piano. I really love to play it that I spend very much of my time in piano institute. But I don't have my own piano in my house. I hope that I could have the one. I didn't say my wish to my parents, so I thought that they don't know anything about this. However, on May 5th, children's day, my parents gave me a present and it was gorgeous piano! I was so much happy that I can't forget that feeling until now. The piano has dark brown color, and is decorated with gold-colored lines. Also, I can smell wood and papers as it is made of wood and there are many music scores. Whenever I sit in front of the piano, it reminds me of my parents' love and understanding. I definitely feel comfortable and relaxed. Though it is just an old piano, it is something I can rely on when I feel tired and sad. It has been many years, so the sound of some keys are not that good. But I don't want to buy new one. I will fix it and I want to keep it forever. As it is my precious treasure which I can find peace.
Hi! I'm Oh You Jeong.
ReplyDeleteI can feel your love towards your piano. Also, I can see that you described the apprearance of your piano quite specifically that I could draw it in my head quickly and vividly. I think you did a really nice job describing it. I also like your memories of your childhood related to piano. However it could have been better if you had given us more details of your memories with your 'own' piano. You have details about the memories before you got the piano not after. You should also check out some grammatical points. But,overall your writing was powerful!
Hello Youna! I'm Hakyung.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your paragraph, especially the part you described the smell and the feeling of the room. I could understand your feelings toward the piano and felt deep warmth at the part you described the day you got the piano.
However, the topic sentence seems to lack your feeling towards the piano. Maybe not a long description, but maybe some adjectives more that 'old' for example, 'special, precious' should be fine. And also I couldn't verify if your tresure is the room of the piano just reading the topic sentence.
Thank you. I enjoyed your writing.