| Sense of Place
Jean Park
The place that I'd like to describe is the bus that I take everyday to get to school. First, the outsider part of the bus is colored blue and there's a little electronic sign on to show how many seats are left in that bus. Inside of the bus if just full of seats and the back door. Whenever I take that bus, I always smell unpleasant scents because it's not well ventilated. The people who take this bus is usually an office workers so I often see lots of middle aged men wearing suits and ties. In morning time, I cannot hear any noise but a sound of bus riding because most of the passengers fell in sleep including myself. This is also same at the evening or night time, however, little difference is I can hear some senior men snoring while there asleep. Now I'm used to that sound but when I first heard it, it was funny and sometimes very annoying. The bus seats are comfortable and in winter, I feel very humid since about 40 people are breathing in a closed place. This blue bus always have been a very thankful transportation and I feel coziness from it. |
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Jean Park/Sense of Place/Mon34
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Hi, this is Park Tae Jun.
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting and fun writing to read because I have the memories and thoughts about the "blue bus" as you described in your writing; unpleasant scents, snoring sound, fell humid and so son. I think your writing is very specifically described so that those people who haven't riden the blue bus may be able to imagine how it would be like. To be more specific, it would've be better to describe color of chairs or floor, things like that.
I'm NaYeon Kwon. I liked your essay because you described the bus very well. I can picture what it looks like. Especially, you expressed the bus using almost all 5senses. However, I see some awkward expressions like "I feel very humid" or "thankful transportation". If you think of other ways to write this, I think it could be even better.
ReplyDeleteHello, I'm Namhye Kim. You described bus very well.You describe it by using many expressions that is associated with senses. Reader can imagine what you describe easily. I think you choose good object, because you take that bus very often.So, it will be easy for you to describe.Also I like your conclusion sentece, becuase it is short but clear ending.
ReplyDeleteSecond Draft
ReplyDeleteThe place that I'd like to describe is the bus that I take everyday to get to school. First, the outsider part of the bus is colored blue and there's a little electronic sign on, to show how many seats are left in that bus. Inside of the bus is just full of seats and the back door. The color of seats are red brown or dark grey depends on the buses and every seats are covered with white cloth. Whenever I take that bus, I always smell unpleasant scents because it's not well ventilated. The people who take this bus is usually an office workers so I often see lots of middle aged men wearing suits and ties. In morning time, I cannot hear any noise but a sound of a bus riding because most of the passengers fell in sleep including myself. This is also same at the evening or night time, however, little difference is I can hear some senior men snoring while they're asleep. Now I'm used to that sound but when I first heard, it was both funny and sometimes very annoying. In winter, inside of the bus is very humid since about 40 people are breathing in a closed place. Although the bus seats are very comfortable and I can feel coziness from it. This blue bus is my everyday transportation and I always feel thankful for providing me a good ride.