Could you live without TV?
This year, my wife and I made a crucial decision. We determined to turn the TV off. Needless to say, my daughter shouted that she couldn't live without TV. Ignoring the rage of her, we executed our project strictly. We turned off the machine which has reduced our productivity and played the chamber music CD to calm us down. Initially we felt awkward somehow and we couldn't find another things we would do. But after a while, something happened. My daughter started to read a book which had been stuck in her bookshelf. My wife also started to do her work which had been postponed. And I. I was studying the conjugation of German verb in spite of myself. That was the miracle made by the boredom. If you ask me if I could live without TV, my answer is this. Yes,absolutely yes!
Hello~It was nice to read your writing :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is it tells the reason of the answer by a story not just listing it.
Your main point seems to be the positive effects on your family by turning off TV.
These particular words struck me powerfully,
'My daughter started to read a book which had been struck in her bookshelf.' I liked this because this sentence has positive feeling and energy. I could imagine your little daughter concentrate on reading books.
Something unclear to me was that 'And I was studying the conjugation of German verb in spite of myself.'. I couldn't catch the meaning of 'in spite of my self'. If it were changed to the other words, it would be better I think :)
I loved your overall writing, but if you change some words just a little bit, such as 'in spite of' and 'boredom' it could be perfect writing.
Thank you!
Hello:) My name is Song Eun Ko.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to read your writing. What I like about this piece of writing is that it is your own interesting experience. So I lined your essay arrestingly. Your main points seems that you can live without TV and you prove it through your family's episode! So nice!! And I like the middle part of the paragraph because what your family members do instead of watching TV are stated in detail. That's all. Thank you~
The second draft
ReplyDeleteCould you live without TV?
This year, my wife and I made a crucial decision. We determined to turn the TV off. Needless to say, my daughter shouted that she couldn't live without TV. Ignoring the rage of her, we executed our project strictly. We turned off the machine which has reduced our productivity and played the chamber music CD to calm us down. Initially we felt awkward somehow and we couldn’t find another things we would do. But after a while, something happened. My daughter started to read a book which had been stuck in her bookshelf. My wife also started to do her work which had been postponed. And I. I was studying the conjugation of German verb unconsciously. That was the miracle made by the tedium. If you ask me if I could live without TV, my answer is this. Yes,absolutely yes!