One of the most precious things in my life is my own portrait that I drew myself. When I think of my picture I feel proud that I made it and happy because it makes me think about joyful past memories. It was an art class in middle school when I drew the picture. My art teacher said that describing oneself is one good way to know oneself and let us describe the picture that we are in. I chose the photograph that I took in central park nearby my house. I was leaning over railing on the bridge. I was wearing a brown hat that has light brown polo mark. I had a short hair that was hidden in the hat. Also, I was dressed in a white T-shirt with gray letters saying "Abecrombie" on it. I was wearing jeans and it was torn in some spots. Also, I had the brown sneakers that had the star sign beside it and black shoestring was holding it tightly. There was a lake behind me and water was spraying out of a fountain. In the water, there were some fish and ducks. Beside the lake, many trees were planted in a row. Also there were children who were riding bicycles and rollerblades. I tried to describe all these things in the picture and I think I did it as the best I could. This portrait is very special to me because it was the first piece that was highly praised by art teacher. Also, as the picture is located in central park where I spent most of my time when I was little, it is valuable for me. I would say that my first portrait is my treasure in my life.
I uploaded this paragraph last night with my mobile phone but there might have been an error.
This is why I'm uploading my writing again.
I hope you understand :)
My name is nayeon Kwon. Your 'treasure' seems very unique and the story was interesting. I can understand why that portait means a lot you. However, I think you focused on describing the portrait too much, it looks like how you feel about the portarit is missing. Besides this, your whole story was good. :)
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Overall, it is a well-written paragraph. One thing I really liked about this writing is that writer's vivid descriptions of the picture itself. By describing every single things in the picture with details, writer offers readers to have truly vivid and clear image of the picture that even readers can roughly sketch the image which writer wants readers to see. However, I found few grammatical mistakes and weaknesses of the thesis statment and conclusion. I think it would been lot better if writer made his thesis statment and conclusion stronger and embraced more the meaning of the important possesion.
One of the most precious things in my life is my own portrait that I drew myself because it is the best piece that I have ever drawn and it reminds me the moments in the past. When I think of my picture I feel proud that I made it and happy because it makes me think about joyful past memories. It was an art class in middle school when I drew the picture. My art teacher said that describing oneself is one good way to know oneself and let us describe the picture that we are in. I chose the photograph that I took in central park nearby my house. I was leaning over railing on the bridge. I was wearing a brown hat that has light brown polo mark. I had a short hair that was hidden in the hat. Also, I was dressed in a white T-shirt with gray letters saying “Abecrombie” on it. I was wearing jeans and it was torn in some spots. Also, I had the brown sneakers that had the star sign beside it and black shoestring was holding it tightly. There was a lake behind me and water was spraying out of a fountain. In the water, there were some fish and ducks. Beside the lake, many trees were planted in a row. Also there were children who were riding bicycles and rollerblades. I tried to describe all these things in the picture and I think I did it as the best I could. This portrait is very special to me because it was the first piece that was highly praised by art teacher. After this experience, I could have confidence in drawing. Also, as the picture took place in central park where I spent most of my time when I was little, it is valuable for me. I truly believe that my first portrait is my most precious treasure ever and I hope I can keep it for a long time until my life ends.
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