TV : Could you live without it?
If somebody asked me if I could live without television, me a year ago would have said,
"Of course NOT! What should I do then?"
But today, I'd say
"Sure, why not?"
It has changed a lot in a year. I started living on my on since last September and since then I don't have a TV in my house. First I thought I would get bored because I didn't have a TV, but I learned how to live without it. Actually, even if I had one, I wouldn't have time to watch it. Every day I have homework to do and essays to write. I'm also busy participating in clubs and meeting my friends. In my free time, I read books or organize my diary. I found out that I didn't have time to study or read because I wasted a lot of time sitting in front of the TV without even noticing. I'm glad I started to do stuff more productive. However, there are times I wish I had a TV. When friends laugh at something that came out from the TV, I can't follow them. Sometimes I want to watch TV dramas but I can't watch it right away. So the solution is that if there's something I really want to watch, I wait and download it. Generally, I'm glad I don't have a TV. I have plenty more fun things to do in my life now.
What I like about this piece of writing is that it starts with the questioning and answering, then explaned the reason why the answer changed that way. So I felt the writing is well organized in much stability.
ReplyDeleteYour main point seems to be the necessity of TV has changed to you, since you lived on your own.
These words sruck me 'I'm glad I don't have a TV. I have plenty more fun things to do in my life now.' I can feel how your life has changed to be more productive way. I love it. :)
I try to find what you should improve, or something unclear but I think the writing is overall great! A little thing that I could say is if it has just a bit more specific details about how you feel better and more productive while you don't watch TV and do other things.
Thank you.
Thank you Youna for reading my paragraph and leaving a comment.
DeleteI am glad that you liked that I made a quetion at the start of this paragraph. Well, it's true that I wanted to gain some attention, but it's also true I didn't know how to start a paragraph otherwise. Maybe it's just the easiest and a pretty effective skill.
My life had really changed in a 'more' productive way. I'm happy that I delivered my thoughts to you.
I didn't recognize that my paragraph lacked details before you mentioned it. Thank you! I will write my second draft better improving the point you have commented.
Thank you very much again.
HaKyung Chin
This is HanByolKim.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you stated with some questions. It really caught my eyes, and I think this kind of writing technique can also catch your future readers' eyes. Your main point seems to be the reasons why you don't need TV. I think you have delibered you idea well by showing some examples like what you do instead of watching TV. The sentence that stroke me as powerful is 'I found out that I didn't have time to study or read because I wasted a lot of time sitting in front of the TV without even noticing. ' It made me think about the time wasted by TV.
It would be nice if you if you add more detailed comparision between your life and daily activities with and without TV.
Hello HanByol! I'm HaKyung!
DeleteFirst, I want to thank you for reading my paragraph and writing your precious comment about it! I really apprecitate it.
I will right my second draft with more details. Thank you for finding out my blind points. I would have never guessed it if it wasn't you.
Thank you very much again. See you in class! Bye
HaKyung Chin.
TV : Could you live without it?
ReplyDelete(2nd draft)
If somebody asked me if I could live without television, me a year ago would have said,
"Of course NOT! What should I do then?"
But today, I'd say
"Sure, why not?"
It has changed a lot in a year. I started living on my on since last September and since then I don't have a TV in my house. First I thought I would get bored because I didn't have a TV, but I learned how to live without it. Actually, even if I had one, I wouldn't have time to watch it. Every day I have homework to do and essays to write. I'm also busy participating in clubs and meeting my friends. Now that I saved time from watching TV, I read books or organize my diary in my free time. I also study more than I used to and work out. Finding myself doing better in class and submitting homework in time, I realized that I didn't have time to study or read books because I wasted a lot of time sitting in front of the TV without even noticing. Now that I think of it, I used to change channels without particular programs to watch. I'm glad I started to do more productive stuff. However, there are times I wish I had a TV. When friends laugh at something that came out from the TV, I can't follow them. Sometimes I want to watch TV dramas but I can't watch it right away. So the solution is that if there's something I really want to watch, I wait and download it. Generally, I'm glad I don't have a TV. I have plenty more fun things to do in my life now.