| I have been writing diaries since I was in elementary school. There are about 10 diaries now because I have been writing them every year. But among them, the most special diary is the one that I wrote in the United States 7 years ago. During one year and half of lives in New York, everything was new to me. So I had decided to write daily routine and how I felt that day. I directly went to bookstore and bought one. The diary is yellow rectangular one and its size is about a half folded paper. Also there is a character of cute little girl drawn on the cover. There are lots of stories in the diary. I still remember the writing about the graduation of middle school. On the graduation, I wore a black short dress with shining silver shoes. I got awarded a certificate which was given to hard-studying student. Also I took lots of pictures with my friends and danced at the party. Whenever I read that story, I still can feel the excitement and joy of the day. Furthermore, there is another special writing in the diary. On the last night in the U.S, I didn't easily go to bed because of mixed feelings. I was sad because I had to leave there where I made precious memories with lots of people. At the same time, I was happy that I finally could go back to hometown where I missed so much. In the diary, it is also written that the stars at that night were unusually shining. I still keep this diary on my desk. Even though it was about 7 years ago, I still can vividly remember those days whenever I read the diary. Therefore, it is the most important possession to me. |
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Ji Eun Lee/ My meaningful possession/ Mon 11a.m.
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Hello~ It was good to read your wonderful writing!
ReplyDeleteWhat I really like about your writing is that you wrote your story very specifically so that I felt more interesting. Your main seems to be that your meaningful possession is your diary which you wrote in the U.S., because it keeps your many precious memories of the past days in the U.S. And I love the line 'In the diary, it is also written that the stars at that night were unusually shining.'. I could imagine the beautiful night sky and it definitely expresses your emotion well I think.
I think every sentence is clear, but the words 'a half folded paper' need to be chnaged into more specific way. I can not know the size of the paper so may be it can be cahnged like 'a half folded A4 paper'. And if you use the more appropriately, it would be perfect.
However except those little things, I really enjoyed your writing. And I thought I should write diary again like you!
Thank you for reading my comment. :)
Hi, this is Park, Hee-june. I like your writing! What I like is your description and the detail stories in your diaries. That can be easily understood. I don't have any critics about your writing. Great!
ReplyDeleteMy meaningful Possession (second draft)
ReplyDeleteI have been writing diaries since I was in elementary school. There are about 10 diaries now because I have been writing them every year. But among them, the most special diary is the one that I wrote in the United States 7 years ago. During one year and half of lives in New York, everything was new to me. So I had decided to write daily routine and how I felt that day. I directly went to bookstore and bought one. The diary is yellow rectangular one and its size is about a half folded of A4 paper. Also there is a character of cute little girl drawn on the cover. There are lots of stories in the diary. I still remember the writing about the graduation of middle school. On the graduation, I wore a black short dress with shining silver shoes. I got awarded a certificate which was given to a hard-studying student. Also I took lots of pictures with my friends and danced at the party. Whenever I read that story, I still can feel the excitement and joy of the day. Furthermore, there is another special writing in the diary. On the last night in the U.S, I didn't easily go to bed because of mixed feelings. I was sad because I had to leave there where I made precious memories with lots of people. At the same time, I was happy that I finally could go back to hometown where I missed so much. In the diary, it is also written that the stars at that night were unusually shining. I still keep this diary on my desk. Even though it was about 7 years ago, I still can vividly remember those days whenever I read the diary. Therefore, it is the most important possession to me.