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Oh You Jeong My favorite possession are my blue jeans. They are not just a piece of clothing. It's way more different than other jeans. The reason why I like those blue jeans is that I have my memories of high school days. At first, I bought them online, they were blue, a little bit like dark blue, and as time went by, the color has faded and they became less darker, which I like better. I loved my blue jeans and I wore them a lot. I can remember a few memories of my high school days. I remember going shopping with my friends, having a new boyfriend, and I remember spilling spicy noodles on my jeans because I was in a rush eating them during the break time. There is a 2 inch hole on the right knee part, I still remember that hole was created because I fell down on my first date with my boyfriend. That hole made me so embarrassed that I just wanted to finish my date that day. My jeans make me feel comfortable and I feel like a high school girl all over again. I miss all those memories and as long as I have my blue jeans with me, I will never forget them.
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Thursday, March 22, 2012
Oh You Jeong/My important possession/Mon11am
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Topic sentence is a little bit general. If you rewrite it a little more specific, readers could identify that you describe more clearly than now. You provided funny stories about your jean, so I could enjoy this paragraph merrily. The spicy noodle accident, the 2 inch hole accident in front of your boy friend. These episodes enrich your writing splendidly. It has detailed description of the color of your jean, but I also want to know the shape of it. You could add the appearance of your possession. This article has many specific words that help readers visualize the object. Concluding sentence did not restate topic sentence, but I think it is good just like this. Your writing has many good expression that is frank and vivid. I like it. Bye, thanks.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite possession are my precious blue jeans. They are not just a piece of clothing. It's way more different than other jeans. The reason why I like those blue jeans is that I have my memories of high school days. At first, I bought them online, they were blue, a little bit like dark blue, and as time went by, the color has faded and they became less darker, which I like better. I loved my blue jeans and I wore them a lot. I can remember a few memories of my high school days. I remember going shopping with my friends, having a new boyfriend, and I remember spilling spicy noodles on my jeans because I was in a rush eating them during the break time. There is a 2 inch hole on the right knee part, I still remember that hole was created because I fell down on my first date with my boyfriend. That hole made me so embarrassed that I just wanted to finish my date that day. My jeans make me feel comfortable and I feel like a high school girl all over again. I miss all those memories and as long as I have my blue jeans with me, I will never forget them.
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