The possession that is important to me is my smart phone. Before I joined the army, there was no smart phone like iphone or galaxy s. But now, most of us use smart phone and it's getting more and more essential to our life. To begin with, I'm really satisfied with my Galaxy S2. First of all, I don't need extra mp3 player. I can put all the music I want to listen in my phone. Also, I can put videos without encording process. So, I don't have to carry mp3 player inconveniently and there's no time to get bored. I can listen to the music and watch the video in everywhere. Secondly, I can find any information by using this without computer in anywhere. Suppose that there were no smart phones. When we walk the street and suddenly want to know about something, we have to find PC cafe or wait until we go home to use computer. But we have smart phone and we can find the answer right away. Lastly, i can study by using this. When i took translation class on last week, I forgot to print class material out. Professor let us to read the marerial and translate to korean. I didn't know what to do but soon I found the solution. I used my phone. I got on the internet website where class material was. So I took my class without any troble. In conclusion, I think my smart phone is very useful and important to me. Without this, life would be boring and stifling.
It seems that your most important possession is the smart phone you own. This is well said in the first topic sentence. You explained several reasons why your phone is useful in your life these days. I entirely agreed with you. However, there should have been some information about how you galaxy S2 looks like and how you got it. If so, the writing would be more appropriate to the topic. I want you to add specific descriptive words so that the writing can be more clear to the readers. Overall, the writing is well organized and I liked your conclusion restating the point!!!!!!!!!
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