A person that I admire
Da-hyun Yang
The person who I admire is Lena Maria. She is from Sweden. First time I knew her was at the book store. The cover of the book got my eyes, because a woman was smiling on the cover even though she seemed she does not have her arms. I finally bought that book and finished it one day. I was unbelievable that she can do so many things like swimming, sewing, painting, cooking and so on. I was so impressed after reading this book, because I could imagine that all those activities are results of her desperate effort. But soon I took time for self-examination of my past. She is not the great women of history, moreover she is not beautified like other celebrities. But the reason why I admire her is because of the phrase that she mentioned on the book. She said that she thinks the word ' disabled person ' does not mean physically defected, but it is for the person who do not challenge even though they are physically perfect. This phrase really impressed me, and I always recall it whenever I want to give up something. In other words, she made me achieve many things through that phrase. Thus she is the person who I admire most.
Hello! I'm Song eun Ko:D
ReplyDeleteNice to read your paragraph about Lena Maria.
I like your piece of writing because you write some proper adjectives like desperate, and great. And your paragraph have a concluding sentence that restated the idea in the topic sentence. However, it'll be better for you to use more specific words to explain Lena's effort and her results. Thank you!
Hi! This is YoungHoon Kim.
ReplyDeleteI was interested in your writing because it was about the person that I don't know. I think you described your feelings about the person very well. I could understand why you admire this person easily. I especially liked the way you gave the impressive phrase that the peoson said. But I think it would be better if you described how the person look like more specifically. Overall, it was a good piece of writing.
2nd draft ;
ReplyDeletemy one leg guide ; Lena Maria
Da-hyun Yang
The person who I admire is Lena Maria. She is from Sweden. First time I knew her was at the book store. The cover of the book got my eyes, because a woman was smiling on the cover even though she seemed she does not have her arms. When I came closer to see the picture, she was a beautiful blond smiley women. I finally bought that book and finished it one day. I was unbelievable that she can do so many things like swimming, sewing, painting, cooking and so on with her two legs only. I was so impressed after reading this book, because I could imagine that all those activities are results of her desperate effort. But soon I took time for self-examination of my past. She is not the great women of history, moreover she is not beautified like other celebrities. But the reason why I admire her is because of the phrase that she mentioned on the book. She said that she thinks the word ' disabled person ' does not mean physically defected, but it is for the person who do not challenge even though they are physically perfect. This phrase really impressed me, and I always recall it whenever I want to give up something. In other words, she made me achieve many things through that phrase. Thus she is the person who I admire most.