About myself
200901384 Park Ji Eon
I may describe myself as an active and shy person at the same time. When I meet people at first, I'm quiet and don't talk much with other people. That's because I hate awkward atmosphere between new people. But once I get to know them, I become not only a talker, but also an active person. I really enjoy being with my friends talking,playing music and drinking. Also, I play rock music with my friends. It can be thought that playing music in group is nothing but a playing music and that's all. What I mean is it can be considered that it's no more or no less than playing music. But there's something more than that. Playing ensemble can't be worked well without trust and understanding with each other. That means that people who's belonged to the band and playing music as a part of the band should be active. So I think introverts may not fit in the band. That's why I like to be in the band and love to play with other people. I said that I'm an active person through only 1 example but I think this is the best thing which can show my personalily best. In conclusion, I might be a shy person with people who's strange to me, but once I become intimate with them, I'm an active and funny person.
To : Park Ji Eon
ReplyDeleteFrom : Da-Hyun Yang
Hi! It was interesting to read your writing. I can understand easily why you described you as both active and shy at the same time through one example. You also wrote concluding sentence restating the topic sentence more specifically. But I think the sentence 'That's why I like to be in the band and love to play with other people.' does not make coherence with other sentences. I would be better if you change it like 'Therefore as an active person I like to be in the band and love to play with other people.'. And If you wrote a title, it would be more interesting to read.
Hi, shy but active person. I got a good impression from the part where you tried to give a description of the band work. I like this sentence : Playing ensemble can't be worked well without trust and understanding with each other. I have some experiences in which I played in bands, so I know the importance of a communication between band members. It is not necessary to state that you show just one example. Instead, why don't you give a example that your shy, inner-directed personality help you improve your guitar skill? It is just my opinion. I really had fun with your paragraph. See you.
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