| "A Person Who I Admire" Jean Park
The person who I admire is Han Biya, who's an advisor to the UN Central Emergency Response Fund, inland traveler and an author too. I believe most of Koreans would know her, since she is very popular celebrity for her achievements and books that she wrote. To introduce her briefly, she worked for international marketing company then suddenly quit the job at age 35 and left for traveling. She traveled all around the world about seven years and the interesting thing is that she only took land routes, not an airplanes. After her long trip, Han Biya changed her mind to work for the people who lives in worst environment and worked as team leader of the Emergency Response at World Vision. Currently, she went America to study and now works in a different position but still continuing relief activities. The reason why I admire her is, I really envy her courage. She's so adventurous, outgoing and an optimistic person and that kind of her personality made her to challenge herself. If I was her, it's doubtful I walked the same way as she did before. In addition, I also hopes to be a relief activist sometimes later and I think she is a great role model and a stimulation. Thus, for these reasons Han Biya is a figure that I admire the most. |
Thursday, April 5, 2012
A Perosn Who I Admire/ Jean Park/ Mon34
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Hello I'm Hakyung Chin.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your paragraph. You made it clear the person you admire and explained well. I can clearly imagine what kind of person Han Biya is upon your explanations.
To Jean Park
ReplyDeleteFrom Da-hyun Yang
Hi, It was interesting to read about Han Biya because you included enough backgrounds about her. And I think your proper topic and conclude sentences make your paragraph seem more clear. The sentence I like most in your paragraph is 'She's so adventurous, outgoing and an optimistic person', because there are many specific words which can well describe Han Biya's character. But It would be better if there are more descriptive details of Han Biya, not just her profile. For example, you can put some specific details of what 'the worst environment' is. And also at the sentence 'I think she is a great role model and a stimulation.' , it would be better if you change the word stimulation to insperation.
Second Draft
ReplyDeleteJean Park
The person who I admire is Han Biya, who's an advisor to the UN Central Emergency Response Fund, inland traveler and an author too. I believe most of Koreans would know her, since she is very popular celebrity for her achievements and books that she wrote. To introduce her briefly, she traveled all around the world about seven years but the interesting thing is that she only took land routes, not an airplanes. After her long trip, Han Biya changed her mind to work for the people who lives in worst environment. What I mean by 'worst environment' is places where people suffer from famine, diseases and no shelters due to poverty, natural disasters or the war. She worked as team leader of the Emergency Response at World Vision and currently she's working at a different position but still continuing relief activities. The reason why I admire her is, I really envy her courage. She's so adventurous, outgoing and an optimistic person and that kind of her personality made her to challenge herself. Moreover, through her experiences as the team leader, she does have an absolute leadership and judgement at emergency situation. If I was her, it's doubtful I walked the same way as she did before. In addition, I also hopes to be a relief activist sometimes later and I think she is a great role model and inspiration. Thus, for these reasons Han Biya is a figure that I admire the most.