| Adventure is My Life
Jean Park
Whenever I face a question like 'what kind of person I am?', I always find it hard to define myself. This time, it was also difficult to describe myself in one word but finally I reached to the conclusion that I am an adventurous person. First, I don't hesitate when doing something that's completely new to me. For instance, when I went to Nepal last winter, I had a chance to experience a homestay with Nepalese family. After having a nice supper, my homestay mother gave me a strange drinks. With my body language and using five senses, I find out that it was a homemade alcohol. To be honest, that alcohol looked peculiar and also stank so much, none of my Korean friends didn't wanted to try, though I just drank without any hesitation. Well the result was I drank and just fell into sleep, but it was an interesting experience and I don't regret for it. Furthermore, since I am a person with full of curiosity, I only feel satisfied after try something that I wanted to do it. When I was a little girl, about five or six, I used to catch an ant and confine the ant in a pencil case and would sit there all day long to watch how ant lives. Now if I think back, I don't even know why I was curious about ant's lives but I believe because I had inquisitive mind, I behaved like that. These are just fragmentary examples of how adventurous person I am. I admit sometimes, I get negative results because of my personality though I believe that is my advantage and I'm proud of myself. |
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Jean Park/ About Myself/ Mon34
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Hi, this is Youna Lee.
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about your writing is that your writing is very fluent and the sentences are connected organically. So I got the feeling that it is really well-organized. Your main point seems to be you are adventurous person. And I like the part you described your memory watching an ant. I think you wrote really lively. I loved your overall writing but in the last sentence, I think it is somewhat mixed and quite confusing. If you change it little bit, it would be much better. Except that, I think everything is great. Thank you for reading my opinion, I enjoyed your writing. :)
Hello, I'm HaKyung.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your piece of writing. The thing I liked most about your paragraph is that you made examples with interesting stories and that you are proud of your personality.
However, some adjustments you can make are to correct some grammar mistakes. Also, I wonder if the second story about the ant is also an example of your personality as an adventurous person.
Thank you. ;)
Second Draft
DeleteJean Park
Whenever I face a question like 'what kind of person I am?', I always find it hard to define myself. It was also difficult this time to describe myself in one word but finally I reached to the conclusion that I am an adventurous person. First, I don't hesitate when trying something that's completely new to me. For instance, when I went to Nepal last winter, I had a chance to experience a homestay with Nepalese family. After eating a nice dinner, my homestay mother gave me a strange drink. By using body languages and sense of smell, I found out that it was an homemade alcohol. To be honest, that alcohol looked peculiar and also stank so much, none of my Korean friends didn't wanted to try, though I just drank without any hesitation. Well the result was I got drunk and just fell into sleep, but it was an interesting experience and I didn't regret for it. Furthermore, since I am a person with full of curiosity, I only feel satisfied after try something that I wanted to do it. For instance, when I was a little girl, about five or six, I used to catch an ant and confine the ant in a pencil case and would sit there all day long to watch how ant lives. Now if I think back, I don't even know why I was curious about ant's lives but I believe because I had inquisitive mind, I behaved like that. These are just fragmentary examples of how adventurous person I am. I admit being adventurous doesn't always brings the best results but still, I am proud of my personality.
Second Draft
ReplyDeleteJean Park
Whenever I face a question like 'what kind of person I am?', I always find it hard to define myself. It was also difficult this time to describe myself in one word but finally I reached to the conclusion that I am an adventurous person. First, I don't hesitate when trying something that's completely new to me. For instance, when I went to Nepal last winter, I had a chance to experience a homestay with Nepalese family. After eating a nice dinner, my homestay mother gave me a strange drink. By using body languages and sense of smell, I found out that it was an homemade alcohol. To be honest, that alcohol looked peculiar and also stank so much, none of my Korean friends didn't wanted to try, though I just drank without any hesitation. Well the result was I got drunk and just fell into sleep, but it was an interesting experience and I didn't regret for it. Furthermore, since I am a person with full of curiosity, I only feel satisfied after try something that I wanted to do it. For instance, when I was a little girl, about five or six, I used to catch an ant and confine the ant in a pencil case and would sit there all day long to watch how ant lives. Now if I think back, I don't even know why I was curious about ant's lives but I believe because I had inquisitive mind, I behaved like that. These are just fragmentary examples of how adventurous person I am. I admit being adventurous doesn't always brings the best results but still, I am proud of my personality.