Many people wander to answer to the question: Who am I? Like them, I spend many years to define myself. I cannot say I am 100% certain about myself but at least I have some ideas about myself. I would describe myself as both active and shy person. You might find this awkward because these are two words which exactly contradict each other. Let me explain this. I am an active person because I like to spend some time with people. I love sharing warm interactions with people. I like laughter of people and stories shared among them. I become more energetic and talkative when I meet with my close friends. Also I enjoy outdoor activities such as cycling and mountain climbing. However, some aspects of me are definitely 'shy'. Even though I love having personal relationships with people I feel difficulties when I first meet people. It is hard for me to break the ice and get to know them at first. For example, all of my friends say I looked really a cold person when they first met me. That is because I become very shy in front of strangers and people that I do not know. Another reason that I describe myself as shy is because I also love time of my own. I do not feel depressed when I am on my own. When I am alone I self-reflect and enjoy the time. The words, 'active' and 'shy', even though they are two very different I cannot find any other words that can describe me better than these.
Hello, this is Park Tae Jun and I enjoyed reading your piece of writing. I would go through the editor’s checklist on pg.64 of the textbook. As professor pointed out this week, it would be much better if you could think of a title that will tell readers ahead what your writing would be about. If there was a title such as “My two contradict characteristics: active and shy” could’ve made your writing look better. You have your topic sentence on third line and it clearly states what your writing is about. However, I somewhat felt that the sentences on first and second line could’ve been removed out, because it doesn’t’ quiet fit into your topic. You have examples supporting your topic sentence such as becoming energetic and talkative when you meet your close friends or becoming shy in front of new people. However, it would be much better if you write more specific examples: describing a specific event that shows you are a shy or active person. All the supporting examples are relevant to the topic, except for the first two lines as I mentioned above. The concluding sentence clearly restates the topic sentence. Overall it was an interesting writing to read, but it could’ve be much better if you can insert some more specific examples in your writing.
ReplyDeleteHi. What I liked about your writing was that you tried to explain your contradict personality. I especially liked the line "It is hard for me to break the ice ang get to know them first", I think it explains well how much you're shy. Although I think your writing could be improved aby adding a title. As the professor mentioned, title can show the main subject of your writing. Overall, it was great to read your paragraph!
ReplyDelete